When we were dating, I realized one thing about him. It was difficult for him to part with money. He will give you a thousand reasons not to spend Ghc50 on lunch and he will give you all the facts and figures to support his claim.
He’ll tell me, “Money ought to be spent on what’s needed and not what’s wanted.” I loved him so I took whatever he told me as the gospel truth. When he didn’t give me money because he felt what I was using the money for wasn’t important, I found a way to buy it with my own money.
After all, what might appear important to me might not appear important to him. We understood each other that way and lived our lives not to argue on some of these things.
When we were getting ready to marry, we had so many issues because of the differences between what was needed and what was wanted. What I felt was a need he felt it was a want.
For instance, he felt photography wasn’t a need. He said, “It’s just a ‘want’ so we don’t have to spend that much on it. When push comes to shove, we can forgo it and find an alternative.” We argued on this for several days. In the end, I paid for photography.
My instinct told me there would be troubles in our marriage because of these needs and wants stuff. I paid no attention to my instinct because he had been a good boyfriend regardless of everything.
Maybe he thought being a good boyfriend was also a need so he played that role perfectly. We never fought. Well, we did only when it came to needs and wants. He had a huge sense of humor and also had a vision larger than the world.
So, I married him for these reasons and also, a man who knows how to keep the money for important things isn’t a bad man after all.
When it got to the purchase of the wedding rings, he said, “In my church, it’s the duty of the man to buy only the rings he’ll give to the woman so the woman, in turn, buys the ring she’ll give to her man.” I didn’t understand it. We argued but, in the end, I allowed him to win.
While I was in the market looking for a pure gold ring for him, he was looking down the street to buy a ring that looks like a wedding ring without considering the quality. “Darling, our marriage is going to last so the symbol of our marriage is supposed to last too. You can’t get a ring that will start rusting the next day.”
Again, it turned into what’s a need and what is a want. He said, “Expensive ring isn’t a need. It’s just a want. Something to satisfy our ego. We can even get married without the ring. What’s important is the purity of our hearts and how committed we can be to the marriage.
What’s the role of a ring in a marriage that we have to spend so much on it?” I could allow him to win every argument but not this one. We argued and argued until finally, he accepted to get me the ring I wanted. On that day, we both walked to the jewelry shop and we both paid for the rings we’ll put on the finger of each other.
Regardless of everything that happened prior to the wedding, the wedding itself was a beautiful one. The memory of it gives cheers to my heart and the thought of it makes me proud that I could marry the way I did. We all have one chance at a wedding so we better make it count and we did.
We’ve been married for almost two years and I’m currently pregnant. Because of the pregnancy, I feel very uncomfortable sleeping with my rings on so when I’m about to sleep, I’ll remove them and place them in a biscuit container I’ve turned into a jewelry box. Some days, I will wake up and forget to put them on. I remember going for a week without wearing them. The kind of stares people gave me when they saw me without the ring wasn’t comfortable so when I went home one night, I put the rings on.
The feeling was different. The ring itself felt very light on my finger. It felt like I hadn’t worn them for years. I thought it was as a result of the pregnancy so I continued wearing these rings without properly inspecting to see if they were indeed my rings. Two weeks later, I removed my ring and spotted patches of fade on them. It was evening so I thought I wasn’t seeing very well.
The next morning, I checked again. Something wasn’t right and I wasn’t going to say it was because of the pregnancy. These rings had lines I’d never seen on them before.
I called my husband. I told him what I’d found on the rings. I asked to see how his’ looks like. It also had those lines. I said, “These were not the rings we bought for our wedding. They were heavier than these.”
He looked into my face and said, “Yes these are not the same rings but it’s serving the same purpose.” “What do you mean?” I asked him. He said, “A child is on the way coming. We’ll need something more important than rings to take care of him. I’ve sold the rings. These here are equally good.”
“Ah…What are you talking about? You’ve sold the rings the pastor prayed on it during our wedding? Are you serious?”
“If it’s the prayers you want, you can take these to the pastor to pray on them too. I’ve invested the money. That’s shrewd.”
I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say. The whole thing sounded like a joke you can’t laugh about because you’re the subject of the joke.
I said, “But why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you sell only your ring? I paid for the ring so I should know what happens to them. And you mean we can’t take care of a child until we sell our souls to the devil?”